I Tweeted this joke last week to riot of tumultuous indifference. I’m putting in the blog now, mainly so that I don’t forget it.
“I got fired from my job at the zoo because in meetings I would always mention the elephant in the room.”
Saw a thing on the telly today about a man who trains dogs to pull sledges over the snow. Apparently he shouts his orders in a husky voice….
A bunch of burgers and sausages tell stories about each other while cooking. Provisional title: “Gossip Grill”.
I've spent the entire day marking First Year exams. It does funny things to your brain. Next time I'm in charge of an exam I'm going to make sure that one of us turns up dressed as a Red Indian, one of us as a construction worker, one as a motorcycle cop, one as a cowboy and so on. When we are asked what we are doing I'll just say...
"Oh, we're the Invigilation People"
Christmas Sieve
I've decided to make a film about Barbie's Butler. It is going to be called "Valet of the Dolls".....
Do trumpet playing courses have tootorials?
I was watching the Olympic opening ceremony last week when I believe I uncovered a great truth. If I suddenly vanish after this post, and it is mysteriously erased (well, you won't be able to read it, but anyway) then you will know that I have uncovered one of the greatest secrets of the age.
I think the Olympics is actually secretly run by the Walt Disney corporation. Consider the facts:
Olympic rings, or Mickey Mouse Ears?
Similar handwriting, eh?
Just think of it. All that TV time, advertising, merchandising, how can they not be doing it. I think the whole thing is actually being filmed in a big warehouse in Florida, with Pixar doing the animation for the outside shots. Every night a team of crack scriptwriters gets together and decides who wins each medal. It makes perfect sense. I just hope they are going to use the same approach for 2012.
Whilst looking in the fridge for my ration of strawberry flavoured milk I noticed that we had some "Thousand Island Dressing" in there. I started to wonder (always a bad thing) how the name came about:
Marketing Drone 1: "We've got this new pink stuff that you can put on salads"
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. Is it anything to do with the sea?"
Marketing Drone 1: "Nope"
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. Ships?"
Marketing Drone 1: "Nope"
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. Landfall?"
Marketing Drone 1: "Nope"
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. How about 'Island Dressing'?"
Marketing Drone 1: "Nah. Not impactfull enough."
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. How about 'Hundred Island Dressing'?"
Marketing Drone 1: "Nah. Too small fry."
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. How about 'Million Island Dressing'?"
Marketing Drone 1: "Now you're just taking the piss."
Marketing Drone 2: "OK. 'Thousand Island Dressing' it is then."
Actually it turns out that it was named by actress Mary Irwin, at a posh dinner party in a hotel. But I guess you already know that.
Sainsburys were doing strawberry flavoured milk on offer at 2 litres for 2 pounds. This represents a saving of 36 pence and means that I now have two bottles in the fridge.
Life is good.
In the UK strawberry flavoured milk and petrol cost exactly the same per litre. But I know which tastes better.
These names were not dreamed up in a Staff Meeting. Oh no. I spent the entire time paying careful attention and making copious notes.
The Ford Caveat: "The car with the hidden surprise"
The Fiat Scenario: "The car that sounds like a great idea"
The Renault Gravitas: "For the driver who wants to boost their presence"
The Seat Ulterior: "You'll never really know why it just did that"
Do fed-up radio operators talk with each other using Morose Code?
The Channel 9 interview with me is now here. I'd say "enjoy", but, well, you know.......
Geoff: "Went to see Iron Man last Monday"
Rob: "Can he do shirts?"
"Have we missed 'The Day After Tomorrow'? I thought it was yesterday...."
I'm so proud of myself.
I had lots of things to do today. At one point I thought that I'd put some things in a beaker full of water and see how much liquid came out over the top.
But then I decided that this would just be a displacement activity.
I wrote this ages ago, and I still like it:
"The dish was concerned about the way that her father kept introducing her to spoons."
"Waiter, why have you served me a dictionary with my meal?"
"Well sir, you did ask for the full English breakfast".
Just finished watching a Bond movie, and the question arises, "Is the world ever saved by ugly people?"
Rob Miles is technology author and educator who spent many years as a lecturer in Computer Science at the University of Hull. He is also a Microsoft Developer Technologies MVP. He is into technology, teaching and photography. He is the author of the World Famous C# Yellow Book and almost as handsome as he thinks he is.
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